dreamer.

I collect thoughts

I collect thoughts
Enter my brain
Stimulate Emotions
Catalog
Stir, Circle, Open, Shut
Share
Keep
Growing
Gardens
Springing out of my ears
Through my nose
I bet I smell like daisies
Pollen weeps from my eyes
I think.

unfinished

i was talking to the birds, a hazy conversation much like the sky. the sweet, slow chirps. the wind blowing thoughts through my brain. i feel my hair curl around my face, it tickles as i brush it away. a dog barks and mine responds. i sometimes wonder what they’re saying. if only, to speak dog.

be.

open. show what’s inside. does a face show all? a face can only show what you want it to. show your inner being. i’m complicated. thoughts flow from my mind. at times i feel as though my mind is a river, gushing, rushing, flowing. rising, falling, sweeping others away in the cold, harsh water. powerful. i wish to show my insides. my guts, the soul. deep souls collide, crash, create. we walk this earth with an entire entity inside of ourselves. it’s my belief that others hide their secret person away. we mold ourselves to be who we think we should be. not the way, not for me. for so long, i felt the bars. they locked me in, tied me down, shut me out. i’m free. out of the cage, shining. i’ve come to realize, we must reveal the hidden self inside. externally much different than who we are. masks, hiding. take off the mask. let go, release, empty the box. pour your true self out, make a mess. a mess is necessary. catastrophe, create it. clean up, organize, make your life. come clean, don’t be afraid. fear restricts. your inner self is calling. hello? come out. come play. be strange, live strange. be happy. we live, live, lose, lost. say goodbye to former selves, those who don’t accept. accept you. you are you, simple? no, never. but it’s great, it’s lovely, beautiful, enticing. fall in love. in love with your tattered individualism. love life, love you, just love. those who love you stick by. hold tight. cling. thankful. i cry, happiness. i watch the hopeful tears stream down, wash my face. makeup off, this is me. i am me. i am content. i am. be.

i write.

as i watch the lonely strand of hair fall to the multipurpose floor, i realize i am out of place. a world that is so familiar to me suddenly feels foreign. i feel as though i am stuck in time, unable to move. i can see the future but cannot reach it. as if it were right in front of my nose, tickling it, mocking me. the future laughs, smiles, draws me in. i yern for the feeling of freedom. a feeling so great, you’re unable to describe it. a feeling that takes you over, causes you to obsess over dreams, hopes. i crave the change that my mental being needs. an emotional person, wanting nothing more but happiness. pure happiness. a sort of happiness that is unknown to “regular” folk. of course, i’m not categorized with the rest. i’m out of place, they wouldn’t know the feeling. the yerning, the urge. move, do great things. settling, something so simple. seems as though everyone settles. i am not a settler. i’m a bird. fly, fly high, fly away, fly free. be free. what is life without freedom? do they know? they’re not living. they’re settling. unacceptable by my standards. am i real? do they see me? i’m sure they must see the twinkle. the strange charm. the thing that separates me. i’m different. i’m a dreamer. i dream, dream, want, crave, yern, urge. for the sweet release. release of the mundane. the usual. the hypocritical. i need more. my spirit knows. it knows i’m not comfortable. need the escape. far away, new dreams, new person, new life.

drama.

i hate drama.
more than anything else.
and i hate people that create drama.

i wish life were simpler.

i want a fresh start.
i wish i had endless amounts of money.
and i could just pick up and leave.
travel around the world.
everywhere.
for a very long time.

a friend said this to me yesterday, and i loved it.

“dreaming is the best state of mind.”

so true.
i want to live on the jersey shore and own a business.
maybe a little coffee shop.
and i could just live life.
not have to be preoccupied with bullshit.
if only such a life were practical. 

that’s all for now.
x